[08 Oct 2006|01:59pm] I decided I should maybe start writing in this thing again. Reading the old entries is kind of crazy. I sound like an idiot. I'm thinking of deleting them and just starting again. Yeah, so, graduation is May 20th. May 20th. It sounds far away, but I know it's not. I mean, where did October come from? And everyone is talking about the GREs, LSATs, MCATs, Law School, Grad School, Med School, dream jobs, getting a job, "what are you doing?", "what do you WANT to do?". Agh. I guess I should have thought about grad school or law school earlier. But truthfully, I have no need to go. I can get a job with my degree out of school. Key word: can. Will I? That's another story. Oh my god. I don't want to graduate. But I'm trying to take each day as it comes and enjoy this all while I can... I'd never thought I'd say it, but I'm going to miss the Q and college and everything that comes with it. It's truly this bubble. This weird time where you're an adult, but at the same time your not really... Did I mention it's October already? What the shit. I love the fall though. I want to go on a hay ride, get pumpkins, paint them, eat some toasted pumpkin seeds.. get apple cider. The whole deal. Like when you were a little kid. I hope we get trick or treaters at our house. I doubt it though cause our house is the creepiest house in the entire neighborhood. Ohh yeah saw New Found Glory, Cartel, and The Early November at Toads last night w/Mel, Cait, Kal, Nate, and Barry. It was fun. I felt ANCIENT though. Since when did I get so old? I felt like someone's mom or something... there were all these little kids there. Like 12 year olds. Though, I do look about 15 and I'm 21 so I guess I didn't look too out of place. Ha ha ha. We got a picture with Jordan afterwards. Not gonna lie. It was pretty exciting. After being a fan since *I* was around 14/15 that was cool. Though I didn't say anything to him except "Uhh thankyousomuch" Dork. But you know, it felt like we were bothering him. That and Barry was all like being awkward Barry with the "You rock man." Awkwaaaaaaaard. Oh kay I really need to go study for Media Law. Test tomorrow. Fun times. Anyways. post comment

[16 Jun 2005|04:28pm] Haven't updated in awhile. some people are really fucking annoying me. when did you turn into such an arrogant asshole. newsflash: the world doesn't revolve around you. post comment

[02 Feb 2005|12:39am] I am so pathetic. Hm. I'll be sure to elaborate later, but right now it's just too embarrassing/sad to think about. I'm not feeling well either. Hopefully I'm not getting sick...that would be just my luck. If I still feel this queasy/ache-y/horrible the end of the week maybe I'll go home to see the Dr. I always over-react and think that there's something really wrong --when it probably isn't. And anyway, I feel like I need a break and need to be in my house...already. Haha. Yeah, but hopefullly I won't NEED to go home this weekend and can plan for that weekend home trip for either the weekend of the 11th/12th or the 18th/19th. I should go to sleep now...update about second semester classes and all that other stuff later. ~L post comment

[08 Dec 2004|06:32pm] [ mood | sick ] [ music | nothing ] I can't believe that it's almost Christmas break. It's crazy. I have work to do, but I'm really not feeling so great right now. It really sucks. I hope I don't get worse. I've been taking Advil Cold and Sinus and drinking tons of gatorade/water. Anyway, I have a paper for english due monday, PR exam tuesday, psych exam weds, and the project for international business is due thursday morning. My dad can come pick me up friday afternoonish. It's been okay around here lately. Some drama of course with a few of the roomates--- so that's a little stressful---but yeah...I don't know. I'm just hoping things will blow over on their own. I'm excited to be going home, but also sad to leave here. I can't imagine being home for five weeks! Yeah, so I just thought I'd update......I'm going to go lay down for a little big more and then maybe will myself to read for english. 1 comment|post comment

[18 Oct 2004|11:51pm] I suck at life. I have a Psych exam at 9:30 tomorrow right after ny 8am International Business class. (Which I didn't go to at all last week, but he doesn't take attendance) Lea said she's dragging me to class tomorrow morning even if "my hair isn't done" Haha. Love the roomates. But yeah, I suck cause I have not studied at all for Psych, but I just can't sit down and do it. Ugh. And I'm so freaking tired. Jenna and I stayed up until 4:30 last night just talking about random shit. Thanks a lot, Jenna! But I do love you. You're the best roomate ever. Hm yeah. I have a PR project proposal due tomorrow and only one of my three group memebers gives a shit. Love that. I have an IB test thursday and a math test friday that I NEED to get a B on. Otherwise I'm absolutely fucked over. It determines whether or not I drop it and I really really don't want to have to drop it. Nothing else has been going on. A lot of hanging out. A lot of work. A lot of procrastination. A lot of Joaquin Phoenix. A lot of baseball watching. A lot of Nate. (Do you like live here now? JK we love you) A lot of Diet Pepsi. A lot of chicken and cheese wraps from the Rat. A lot of drama. But overall...it's been good times. Oh, and let's not forget the drunkeness that is the girls of 230. (Except for me because I'm good. ;) ) Alright peace out I'm doing work for real. -Lauren- Ps. What is UP with everyone talking like Barry? He's not THAT cool. Actually he's kind of a slut. post comment

It's friday [07 Oct 2004|10:56pm] [ mood | sleepy ] [ music | Nothing ] ...oh yes. I don't know why I'm still up at 2am--but I am. I have my 10am math class and then English 206 at 1:00, but I'm thinking about not going to it. Since I've only read up to page 113 in Killer Angels and we're supposed to have read up to page 205. Plus I have to pack for home. Yep, I'm going home mostly because for some reason I really miss my parents and Linds (even if I just saw them Yom Kippur weekend.) AND because all my friends will be home. It should be fun. I feel like I haven't seen Candace in a year. I really miss her.I really haven't been good about calling or even IMIng my friends lately. It's not that I don't miss them or don't care --it's the exact opposite. I've just been busy. So tomorrow I'm taking the train with Jenna. I should be in my house by 7pm. Saturday I want to go shopping for shoes, clothes, and food and do something fun with the friends. But also I think my cousin Lisa's 30th b-day party is on Saturday and Lindsay's band competition. We'll see... Sunday I think I'm leaving early in the morning because Jenna's mom is nice enough to give me a ride home. I honestly don't know why, but I'm very much looking forward to Christmas break already. Haha. I guess I just love R-land and my house. (Kind of ironic when you really think about it, huh?) Um, QU has been alright. I feel like a lot of my roomies are sad for a variety of different reasons...so that hasn't been too great. But that's not to say it hasn't been fun. There have been moments when I've found myself laughing and genuinely enjoying my time here. Which is good. But there is a feeling that I just can't seem to shake...I don't know. Time for bed. I'll leave with a great quote from none other than yours truly that made it up on our quote wall aka "The Confessions of College Party QUeens" Wall. Keep in mind it was nearly 1am when I said this, "I was just thinking...they should make wheat flavored wheat thins...Oh, wait, they do!" Much love and happiness to everyone... ~Lauren post comment

I can't help how I feel... [20 Sep 2004|12:56am] I don't feel like updating really. I've had the same thoughts floating around in my head forever. Got a bid to join Phi Sigma Sigma. Turned it down because I'm overly stressed about school. Now I wish I had accepted it. Stef came this weekend and it was good to see her. I miss everyone at home. I'm having some crazy feelings these past few weeks. I think lyrics can best sum it up for now. i'm sick of smiling, and so is my jaw. can't you see my front is crumbling down? i'm sick of being someone i'm not, please get me out of this slump. i'm sick of clapping, when i know i can do it better for myself. i'm sick of waiting,sick of all these words that will never matter. post comment

Oh Friday night [10 Sep 2004|10:56pm] So yeah it's friday night and here I am in my dorm room by myself. My 7 other roomates are out and about in the boys' room down the hall. I went down there before, played some beer pong, and just sat around, but I was really bored. So, I just left. It's weird, I can be bored at parties at home, but I'm not *as* bored as I am now...I can't even explain it. I'm not drunk AT ALL...which I kind of don't want to be since I'm still taking anti-biotics and am still a little sick. I've been thinking about how ridiculous the price of education is. I've been questioning lately whether or not I really made the right decision coming to quinnipiac. It's no longer an issue of being homesick and not having friends. It's an issue about what I want to do with my life and if paying this much...burdening my parents with paying most of this...is worth it. The thought that I am in my second year of college has scared the shit out of me. I feel like this year is going to absolutely fly by and then before you know it I'll be a junior...then a senior. I wish that time wouldn't move so fucking fast. I wish I had a clue about what I REALLY wanted. I think the problem is that I'm so good at bullshitting myself into to thinking that it's something that's a good idea, a plausible idea, what I want to do. I mean, yes, I love to write. I do. But am I good? Who knows. I've ranted about this all before. I fear I've lost the ability to be articulate in any sense of the word. I thought before about whether or not public relations or journalism will really make me happy...am I majoring in it to fill some stupid childhood dream of being wealthy/semi-famous/schmoozing with the celebrities? I am completely fucking insane. I have been thinking a lot about being a teacher. I love children. I would love teaching, but you make absolutely no money and as shallow as it sounds...I want to make money. I don't think I'm going to ever be married so it's not like I have that "my husband will be a doctor/lawyer/CEO" mentality that I've discovered many of my peers do. So, this brings me back to the thought of being here at school. I love my roomates. I really do. They're all amazing people and I have fun with them on a daily basis. They're kind, considerate, funny, smart, all-around great girls. Good times and if I left I'd miss them terribly. Buuut after calling Stef tonight and hearing her say she was out with Marisa, Tolli, Steve, and all of them visiting SHU....I began to think if I should have stayed home..I COULD be where they are right now. It'd be cool. I'd go home and wouldn't have to deal with what one deals with when they LIVE with 5000 18-22 year olds. Also, MSU is great for teaching and it's a hell of a lot cheaper. But, I don't want to be in school for the next 3 years making up credits and who knows maybe I DO want to do public relations/writing. I'm so confused and I can't help but to kind of want to be home and to think that I made a dumb decision. That I'd probably be having more fun at home for a hell of a lot less. That I'm having my parents pay all this money so I can have an experience of living away! That's so selfish. So ..I need to decide what I want to do RIGHT now. Time is running out. Maybe I should apply to MSU. GOD I WISH I KNEW WHAT I SHOULD DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! post comment

Leaving tomorrow... [07 Aug 2004|01:12am] Arizona tomorrow for a WEEK. Yep. And then the 20th down the shore with the girls (and boys I guess?? Minus Rissy and Scott who will be in CA). Should be fun....I'm excited. Back to school on the 28th. The end of the month is going to fly by. I have a lot else to write about because I've been thinking a lot about things. Not just school things and family things. I've just been thinking a lot recently about my life in general and the people that are part of my life. (And the people that are no longer a huge part of my life--but are still just... there.) There is so much I want to say, but I can't seem of a way to say them. I guess I should just take the time to get it all out here and I will...just not right now...not that anyone really cares...but I'm hoping that once I just pour it all out SOMEONE will be there to tell me that I'm not the only one thinking about these things or making these observations. I don't know. I think I'm going crazy. Stef IMed me to day as she was at her shitty job with a scary fact. She was like, "What are we going to do when we finally graduate from college and we're working in the summer and we realize that that's it...there's no break from work. The rest of our lives we're going to be working." It's not a very pleasant thought. Yeaaah so I guess people who find things they truly love are very lucky because I don't think that happens to very many people. I mean, I have so much respect for people who just go out and do what they love. My cousin who's in that band...he's still in school...but he loves making music and even if he's not going to be a huge recording artist one day he still knows that he loves music and he's good at it. He's going to be a music teacher in the very least. My other cousin is Mr. Popular at college now and I'm SO proud of him. In high school he wasn't, but he's a good person..and I think people are seeing that in him. He's in a frat which he absolutely loves and he's PRESIDENT OF HIS CLASS. I can definitely see him running for President one day and I think he'd make a damn good one. I AM a hard-worker I know this about myself and I always want to do my best....but I'm so uncertain about my life beyond college. SO uncertain. Somedays I think I'm just fooling myself about this major and this IDEA of being creative and being in the entertainment industry. Who am I kidding? Do I really want to do PR do I want to be a journalist? Yes, I think so--am I good at it? Who really knows? And what if I'm not? That's great...cause I just paid over 30K a year to go to a school and get a degree in something I'm not-so-great at. I think what also stresses me out is that I feel like I need to do really well after college. I need to get a good job because I need to show my relatives (Especially my relatives who think I'm just going to go into sales as my other communications major cousins did.) Who think I'm choosing this because it's the easy way out---but that's not true. I really do have an interest in this! It's not my fault I'm not a nursing major. I would like to say I am because sometimes I feel guilty that I'm not doing something that is helping people--I think being a doctor or nurse is a nice rewarding job, but I'm not good in science in any way, shape or form and the scary thing is is that I don't know if I'm good a writer or am going to be able to handle PR in any way, shape or form. I'm so tired of answering the question about my major and have people ask me, "And what do you think you're going to do with that?" It happens every time. Except with my grandma who just tells me, "You're going to be great." She's such a cute 87 year old woman. I love her more than anything and looking at her just reminds me how lucky I am at 19 years old to even being going to school. She had to stop working at 12 to get work in a factory. Another thing I would love to do in my life, but it isn't ever going to happen because I will never have enough money to do this sort of thing....but after my grandma was in that rehab center...I really realized how horrible it must be to go there. It really made me sad to go visit her because all the people looked so depressed. And I know the nurses and everyone did there best and were caring, but there wasn't enough staff all the time. I would loooove to open a place like that and have it be a little more upbeat, with more staff (my grandma seriously got out of her wheelchair by cleverly detaching herself from her little alarm and went in her room by herself) and more activities....and just a little brighter and more doctors..and better food...and actually pay those nurses and people a decent salary because God knows they don't get paid nearly enough for what they do. It's funny how we pay celebrities SO MUCH to entertain us, but we pay people taking care of others so much less. Well, that's enough for tonight. I think I actually started venting a little bit...which is good I think. Night. -L- 1 comment|post comment

[03 Aug 2004|09:05pm] I fucking love how people never ever call me. Even after I've called all their cell phones and no one picks up. HELLO I'm here at my house...you know the number...I've been here all day. That's great, guys, thank you....love how I'm so forgettable. post comment

[03 Aug 2004|04:45pm] Another day of absolute nothing. I wish I was working. :( I am so bored and all this time leaves me to sit around and think about shit that I have no desire to deal with. I'm excited and nervous to go back to school. I'm excited to see everyone from school.. but I know that I'm going to miss my friends here so much once I go back to CT. I love all of them so much. They have no idea how much they mean to me. I would be so lost without them and they're such amazing people. I can't believe I've been friends with them for 6 years. *sigh* I'm going to miss seeing my family everyday too. I feel like I almost need to be home to make sure everyone is okay. To make sure Lindsay isn't driving my parents crazy...to make sure Lindsay is okay. I'm going to be all worried about Nanny and Grandma. Ah, but yeah, I'm excited too...yeah...but I don't know why I'm anxious about it. It's not like it's freshman year all over again. Alright, I'm going to go do more laundry or something. post comment

So bored. [02 Aug 2004|04:37pm] Can someone explain why I like Ashlee Simpson? I cannot stop listening to her stupid songs. I am so bored. And I look like shit. I need to do something with my hair. I think I'll get it highlighted before going back to school. Ummm, I also need to go shopping. Uhh, yeah, I was thinking about what I'm going to major in and I'm so confused. So confused, but what else is new? Oh and I love how my family has not called me since leaving for Ithaca this morning. Thanks guys. Stef's going to send me the pictures from July 4th weekend finally and I'll have to post them on here. Alright I'm going to go do something productive with my life..like go eat some more. Haha. post comment

Ohhh man... [02 Aug 2004|02:26pm] "On the way down. I saw you and you saved me from myself..." Oh man Ryan Cabrera why do I like your song? ~~~ Well...it's been an interesting past few days. I've gotten drunk three nights in a row. Yeah, I know I never ever do that, but I could...so I did. Plus, I'm going on vacation with the family all next week(to Arizona where I will absolutely die because it's so hot). Hm yeah so I played 7, 11, or doubles saturday and last night. That game is pretty fun. I think I finished two beers in five minutes because Candace kept getting the numbers before I could finish the drink. After that Candace and I played beer pong and won. Haha. The guys we were playing against were not too happy. Haha. Candy and I did lose the next game though, but at that point I was too drunk to care. Yeah, so a lot of random people were there and a lot of random stuff happened that I'm too lazy to write about. It was fun though. Today I have a Dr. appt and that's it. I can't believe school starts so soon. August 28th I'll be back. I hope this year is a good one... post comment

[23 Jul 2004|04:44pm] So, work ended on Friday. No more filing. I'm not so much going to miss filing, but I will miss that paycheck. *sigh* This whole week all I've been doing is laundry and watching VH1, E!, and MTV. I really wish I had something to do, but everyone else is working. Maybe I can ask my neighbor if she needs a babysitter during the week. Grandma is doing well at the rehab/nursing home. I can't believe she had a minor stroke. She is lucky that it was only minor though. She's completely fine...she just needs to build up her right side again. She should get to go home in two weeks. The weather absolutely sucks today. I don't think it's stopped raining since I woke up. I drove Linds to the eye doctor for 10 and then stopped to get her coffee. Dropped her off at work for 12 and came home. Met Stef at Panera's at 2:30. I ran into Meredith before Stef got there. She said she doesn't know why Stef hasn't been calling her. I said I have know idea what's going on with that and how I don't want to get in the middle. I have no problems with her and would definitely hang out with her. I'm not involved in whatever problems anyone has with her. Whateverrrrrrrrr. Yeah so anyway, I went to The Beauty Product Store after Panera and spent way too much on shampoo and conditioner. I can't help it that my hair sucks. Right now I'm waiting for Candace to come over. Stef fell asleep on the couch. We'll see what we're doing tonight. Rob wants to see I, Robot and Marisa is taking Ben to go see it so Stef and Rob might just meet up with Marisa at the movie theater. I really don't want to see I, Robot so we'll see what the rest of the crew wants to do. Hopefully it won't be playing Halo alllllll night. Haha. -L- post comment

[18 Jun 2004|05:40pm] Work sucks, but the money is good--therefore I still need to be going to work. Um, yeah, I haven't really had a life on the weekdays though. I'm just Soooooooooooooooooooo tired when I get home and have shit to do for that class. I miss everyone! Thank God it's the weekend and I'll get to actually GO OUT (though tomorrow is Emily's baptism, but THANKFULLY it'll be over by like 3.) I've been in a really weird nostalgic kind of sad-ish mood the past few days. I don't know what it is....I hope it just passes soon. I definitely do not like this feeling... post comment

A lesson I've learned... [11 Jun 2004|04:21pm] No matter how much you think someone else has a perfect life and has everything going for them. No matter how much money or how prett there are. No matter how much they smile and are friendly. No matter how nice they are--you don't really know what's going on in their life and what they're going through. Don't ever wish you were in their shoes because you never really know what it's like to be them. Be happy being yourself. No one is perfect. Always remember that. post comment

[08 Jun 2004|06:11pm] Works sucks. Filing is the most mundane job EVER. EVERRRRRRRRRRRR. The whole fucking day I put the performance reports in alphabetical order and file. Grab antoher pile and repeat. Sometimes if I'm filing the A's -G's in the back area I look through people's files. Some guy makes $230,000 a year. Could you imagine? Anyway, yeah, so it sucks and the day is entirely too long. I get up at 7 and then leave at 5. (Though yesteray I left at 3 because I had an OB-GYN appt. I need another ultra sound because there may be a cist. Joy. Today I left at 4 because I had an allergist appt.) My boss is Bob. Bob is an old(er) guy around 60. I feel bad for Bob because he works in the file room alone and all he does is organize crap. He's really nice though and talked to me about journalism, writing, and public relations. Apparently he used to be a photographer, a writer for a magazine, and did some PR for a hospital. Then he taught English for awhile. He was excited to hear that I am a Mass Comm major and talked to me awhile about that. He was so excited to talk about writing etc. aw. He seemed to have an interesting life...though it's sad that for some reason the company won't promote him. I don't know though how he got to just file after having so many interesting jobs. Hm. post comment

[04 Jun 2004|08:07pm] This is for you. I hope you're happy. you must not have a heart have nothing in your chest to let it go for so long and let this go so far that it goes over your head post comment

boringboringboring [02 Jun 2004|02:01pm] So yesterday I woke up 2:30 in the afternoon. I looked at my clock, frantically got out of bed, and cursed myself all the way to the bathroom. Needless to say I got nothing done yesterday that I wanted to. This morning I got up finally at 10:00. I set my alarm clock for 9:00, but just turned it off. I don't know how the hell I'm going to get up tomorrow (hopefully? If Novartis gets their act together and finishes all the paperwork) for work. I'll have to get up at 7:00. I don't think I got up at 7:00 this whole year. So I get up, brush my teeth and get dressed. I look at my hair and realize that it looks like an afro. Way to sleep with a wet head and not put anything in it. I wet my hair and put in a bazillion gel/mousse product then just put it half up half down. I put on some makeup because I looked dead and gathered all the paperwork crap I needed to take with me to Quest Diagnostics. I finally got out of the door around 11. I made it to Quest by 11:20 thanks to my wonderful driving. (Ha.) I had to park in the last known parking spot in the lot because it was the only opened spot. I find the place and put my name on the list. At 12'oclock they called my name and he first told me I was going to get the blood work done. That's no big deal. Been there. Done that. I swear it doesn't even hurt me anymore. Then the drug test which is so annoying. I had to pee so bad because I downed three 20 ounce bottles of water this morning to make sure that I would have to go. They took my purse and locked it up. Then he gave me the cup and told me not to wash my hands or flush the toliet after I was done. Whatever. So, I pee and hand him the cup. I had to stand there while he bagged and labeled my sample. Then was told I could get my purse, wash my hands, and finally flush the toliet. I was out of the office by 12:15. Hotness. I get to the car and was off to my next Dr. appt which was literally two offices building down. I park the car and run in. The nurse at the window exclaims, "How old are you? Are you over 18?" I respond, "Yes, I'm 19." She laughs and turns to the other nurse and says, "She looks so young!" Hahaha. Laugh it up. I smile and go, "I know. I get that all the time." Shut up. I know I look like I'm 15. I cannot wait until I'm 40 and I don't look it. (Well, that's what I'm hoping for anyway.) I fill out all the new patient forms and admit to the nurse I have no idea how to fill out the primary insurance stuff. I know I should know how to do that, but I don't. My mom always did that stuff. The nurse smiles at me and helps me fill it out. (I was so embarrassed.) I sit down and wait and wait and wait. At this point my bladder is telling me I HAVE to go to the bathroom. Just as I was about to get up and find the bathroom I get called in. %#?! Great timing. I go in and the dr. comes in. Asks me what's wrong. Blah blah blah...I tell him about all the sinus infections I've been getting and the headaches and how I don't feel any better. He takes this long think tube up both my nostrils so he can see what's up. It was the most uncomfortable thing ever. (Well, okay, next to going to the OB-GYN.) He then tells me he doesn't think there is anything too horribly wrong. He wants me to get a Cat-scan though just to make sure. He thinks the headaches sound just like stress etc. so this may be a case for a neurologist. Fun. So I leave feeling like that was a waste of my time. Now, I'm home and thinking about possibly cleaning out my closet and getting rid of crap I haven't worn for 2 years. Maybe I'll go out tonight or maybe not since I probably have work tomorrow. post comment

sometimes a song can say everything... [01 Jun 2004|12:18am] Don't say it'll stay this way forever I'm afloat in the ocean trying not to sink I'm a crack in the asphalt you walk by on the street I'm a falling star you'll never see The lash in your eye, the I in team So who am I? Don't say it'll stay this way forever Don't say it'll stay this way forever I'm the lesson you'll never learn The sickness that was never your concern I'm the big suprise at the end of the night The bridge in the gap, the corner of your mind So who am I? Don't say it'll stay this way forever Don't say it'll stay this way forever (Part of "Who am I" -New Found Glory) post comment

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